Episode 2: Champagne and Tears

Episode 2 in the books and I am still loving this season.  The producers seem to be pulling back the veil a bit (except for some suspect editing during the Hannah B. and Peter convo, discussed below), the ladies are bringing the drama, and Peter is appropriately bought into the process.  It’s just been a fun time, and I’m excited to see where it goes.

Let’s get to it!

Hannah B. and Peter

We pick up where we left off last week, which is exactly where I wanted to be.  Hannah B. and Peter are discussing their lingering feelings.  Hannah B. has admitted she wonders whether she made a mistake sending Peter home, and explains why she hasn’t reached out until now.  Here’s where the editing starts to get funky.  Peter asks Hannah to join the house, and her immediate response is, “I mean…” and then a soundbite of her saying “maybe” that we don’t see coming from her mouth (prime example of frankenbiting).  We then start getting some strange footage where it seems like the camera people are out of the room and zooming in:

Hannah says, “selfishly, let’s just get on a plane!” And then the conversation seems highly edited from that point out.  Up until then, the two of them had been super candid and honest with each other.  It’s the type of conversation you know has happened behind closed doors, but we’ve never seen it before on our screens, and it was incredibly compelling.  Hannah expressed doubt, Peter questioned whether she felt this way because she was focusing on the “what ifs” and not her true emotions, and both of them were stuck.  Hannah was in the middle of filming DWTS, and Peter had just started his journey as the Bachelor.  He asked if Hannah would come back to the house, but we all know Hannah would never do that.  All she could offer Peter was for him to break his contract, walk away from a house full of women vying for his attention, and take a chance on a maybe.

I have a feeling that after Hannah made the suggestion that they hightail it out of there, the two of them continued to have a very candid discussion about what that would look like.  We’ll see if either of them speak to the media about what we weren’t shown, but otherwise it’s impossible to know.  All we know is that after that conversation (and likely, some producer intervention telling Peter he absolutely could not walk away from his whole season), Peter told Hannah he couldn’t do it and the two of them said their goodbyes.

Takeaway on Hannah: I think the producers put her up to appearing on the show.  I think she has to own her actions once she got to the show, and I wish for both their sake she had kept what she was feeling to herself, because she wasn’t offering Peter a real choice.  She was never going to join his season, and she had to know he couldn’t leave his.  It wasn’t fair to ask him to do that, so it felt like an eruption of emotion without a well-thought out plan.  I feel for the woman but this helped no one.  I hope they both take some space from this.  If they have true feelings for each other they will find their way back together, but I think this is most likely an exercise in regret rather than true love.

Notably, we were missing any ITMs (“in the moment” interviews that are one-on-one) from either Hannah or Peter.  This is weird.  Last episode we had a ton of Hannah B. one-on-ones where she was crying to her producer and talking about her feelings.  And I don’t really understand the decision to not interview Peter about that interaction (or, more likely, to not SHOW any interviews with Peter) unless he was saying things that don’t fit with the narrative of the story arc this season.  Based on what we’ve been shown, I do not think Hannah B. and Peter get back together.  But we shall see!  This season is a big question mark, which makes it so fun to watch!


This was some good old-fashioned producer-driven fun, wasn’t it?  Kelsey, who seemed to have been drinking some champagne already, set aside a bottle of champagne she’d been saving for a year.  Hannah Ann led Peter straight to it, seemingly not knowing it was Kelsey’s, and opened it right up.  Cue Kelsey’s total meltdown.

For context, Kelsey seemed to be keyed up in general during this cocktail party.  She accused Mykenna of “stealing” Peter when Mykenna spent some one-on-one time with him (at least from what we saw, Mykenna did not appear to take Peter from anyone).  So Kelsey was primed for an altercation.

I asked my Instagram whether they thought Hannah Ann knew the champagne was Kelsey’s, and the response was mixed:


I think Hannah Ann was set up.  As she explained after the incident, there were two champagne areas and I think producers likely led her to the wrong one.  Hannah Ann’s reactions (and subsequent decision to tattle to Peter and accuse Kelsey of bullying) are her own, but I do believe her on this point.

I do not, however, think Kelsey was bullying Hannah Ann, and it turns out, neither do you:


Honestly, both women take the loss here.  Kelsey overreacted about the champagne, and continued to hold a grudge into the next day and night, which seems unnecessary.  At first I thought Hannah Ann handled the altercation well.  She could have emoted a bit more, and focused on apologizing right away, but she stayed calm and moved away from the situation.  I didn’t think she needed to continue the drama by bringing it up with Peter, especially after she “won” that group date.

And let’s talk about that group date, shall we?

Victoria F. vs. Hannah Ann

This was a doozy.  Victoria F. was all over the place and it was really hard for me to follow.  If you recall, she botched a sexual joke right out of the limo, and seemed to get real awkward, real fast.

victoria f 1

Since then, she has made it a point to tell the camera (and us) how out of her element she is, how this is uncomfortable for her, and how she’s not like the other girls.  This episode, she’s tapped to participate in one of the better dates this franchise has to offer – a chance to win a whole wardrobe sponsored by Revolve.  And all you have to do is put together an outfit of your choosing and strut down the runway.  (Remember when contestants had to get almost naked in years past?  This is way better.)   Also, Victoria F. is a model:

So I find it a little hard to believe that this date got her spinning out so badly, but that’s what she says.

She ping pongs between scared, crying, giddiness, etc. on this date.  It was hard to follow.

victoria f 2.jpg

I’m not totally sure what to make of her yet, and it looks like you guys are just as stymied:


I do believe that one person can authentically feel all these emotions in a short span of time, especially in a stressful situation like dating on national television.  So I’m not saying that she’s putting on an act, but she does seem hard to follow.  She has another breakdown to Peter in the evening portion of the date, and pulls a card that many a contestant has used in the past by threatening to leave.  She’s threatened to leave a few times already, and the previews show her doing it again, so we’ll see whether Peter tires of it in the future, but for now he gives her the assurances she needs to hear, and all seems well.  I think she’ll be around for a bit.

Here’s who I think Peter is most interested in at this point.

  1. Madison:  We didn’t see a ton of her this episode but when we did see her it was meaningful.  Peter gave her a framed picture of their date and made a point to tell her how much he liked her.  I think he’s really feeling it with her.
  2. Sydney: We finally got to see some of Sydney!  She got the group date rose, and Peter really seemed to connect with her.  We also saw some good footage in the preview of the two of them.  I think he really appreciated that she was a straight-shooter and down to earth.
  3. Hannah Ann: Like her or not, it’s pretty clear Peter does.  We’ll see how she weathers the Kelsey storm, but I have a feeling Hannah Ann is going to come out the winner there.  The girls is confident, I’ll give her that!
  4. Victoria F. (possibly): Jury is still out here, I’m not ready to put her at the very top, but that runway walk alone won her some points in Peter’s eyes.  Hopefully she gets out of her own head!  But I think we’re going to get some more gems from her in the mean time.

Peter’s favorites are not always my favorites, so here’s my list of the women I’m enjoying watching the most.

  1. Tammy.  Tammy is a breath of fresh air!  She’s funny, she’s involved but not too involved, and she seems super normal.  Sidenote: there was a voiceover of Tammy seemingly badmouthing Kelsey right after she consoled Kelsey, and I have to think that was editing.  I think Tammy said those words, but likely not about Kelsey (or not about that particular incident).  Always be on alert when you hear a voiceover but don’t see the words coming out of the contestant’s mouth! 
  2. Lexi:  I think she’s a dark horse!  I loved how Peter remembered her (but joked that he didn’t), and I loved her confidence on the group date.  She rocked the runway.  I also loved her response to Kelsey.image1
  3. Natasha:  Natasha was great this episode.  She was up front with Peter about how she felt when he spent all his time with Hannah B., and the outtake of her talking with Janice Dickinson was gold.  She’s also the only contestant over 30, so you know I’m rooting for her!
  4. Kelley:  Where was my girl Kelley this episode??  After such a strong start last week, we barely saw her.  I think she’ll reappear on our screens next week though, and when she does I’m sure she’ll regain her place in Peter’s top 4.image0


And I’ll leave you with the best part of the episode:


We’re BACK!

Hello friends, it’s been a minute.  I am sorry I have abandoned you for TWO YEARS (life happens), but am happy to be here for the beginning of a brand new Bachelor season, with a new bachelor Peter.

So let’s get to it, shall we?  First, let’s talk about Peter and what we know about his season so far, because it looks like things are going down a little differently.  As a reminder, this is a SPOILER-FREE zone.  I haven’t read spoilers for this season and don’t plan to.  That being said, there’s a lot of noise about this season and as a regular consumer of Bachelor content (Reddit, podcasts, interviews), it’s clear something is up.  Peter has explicitly called out spoilers and said that no one will be able to spoil this season.  Chris Harrison has made similar comments.  As far as I know, that has held true and no spoilers have been released, at least about the ending.  The general consensus in the blogosphere is that this season is unspoiled because it hasn’t ended yet.  What I mean by that is that people think Peter either chose no one, chose someone who was not a contestant (cough, cough, Hannah B.), or chose someone but after the season stopped filming.  Maybe this is all a gimmick to lend credence to Hannah B.’s appearance on Peter’s premiere, but for whatever reasons, this season is likely to be an interesting one!

Peter as the Bachelor

As an initial matter, I thought Peter gave an above-average performance on his first night at “The Bachelor.”  He was pretty vanilla on Hannah B.’s season, windmill night aside, but handled the women very well.  He was gracious, attentive, humble, and confident all at the same time.  And his convo with Hannah B. was just HEARTBREAKING.

Hannah B.

This really was the whole episode for me, and the most real this show can get.  I know people are tired of seeing Hannah B. crying on their screens (myself included, but more for her sake – hasn’t she been through enough???) but let’s walk through this.  Hannah was competing on Dancing With The Stars in the LA-area by the time Peter’s season started filming.  It is common knowledge that Mike Fleiss (problematic creator of the franchise) does not like his leading ladies to go on DWTS, even though he routinely lets the male leads do it.  There’s a lot on this.  Hannah B. was the first Bachelorette who has been allowed to have the gig since the first Bachelorette ever, Trista, whereas four former bachelors have done it, not including Grocery Store Joe.

Given Mike Fleiss’s very protectionist approach to having his female leads participate in DWTS, I don’t think it’s too far-fetched to think that in exchange, Hannah agreed to show up on Peter’s season (and in fact, her contract may have required her to do so regardless).  Does that mean she was contractually obligated to share her lingering feelings with the new lead?  Of course not.  But I do feel for her, because it didn’t look like she really wanted to be on that date and I don’t think she had a choice in the matter.

So let’s break it down.  Hannah had a rocky season, to say the least.  She got engaged to Jed which ended in a great ball of flames sometime over the summer.  They were officially over by the time her season concluded, on July 30, 2019.  Hannah then goes out for one date with Tyler C., on August 1, 2019.  That, as we all know, goes nowhere, as Tyler C. starts dating Gigi shortly after.  On August 17, 2019, Hannah is announced as a DWTS contestant, and starts training shortly thereafter (first episode is aired on September 16).  Peter is announced as Bachelor in September, although it was widely known that he was a finalist for the gig by the time Hannah’s season had concluded.  His season started filming on September 20, 2019.  And the date we saw on Monday was filmed on September September 24, 2019 (happy birthday Hannah B.!).

hannah and peter

Whew.  A whirlwind to say the least.  Could Hannah B. have reached out to Peter before his season started if she actually had feelings?  Absolutely.  But I find it pretty defensible that she didn’t.  Trying out one of her runner-ups is one thing, but going down the line is something else.  She also likely wanted to give Peter a shot at the gig, and if she had gotten involved it may have messed it up for him (notably, on Ashley I.’s podcast, Peter said he would not have been the bachelor if Hannah had reached out to him beforehand, which blows my mind).  I do think, however, that she should have tried harder to lock it up while she was on the date.  Peter did not need that extra confusion, and Hannah was not about to join his season.  She was in the middle of filming DWTS!

Given the fact that the season ending still remains open, I am leaving some space in my heart for Hannah B. and Peter to reunite.  I think it’s possible the two will end up together, which is nuts, I know, but it’s also bonkers that Peter is out there saying he wouldn’t have done his season if he had known Hannah was into him!  Can you imagine being Peter’s final 1 and hearing him say that?  So I’m holding out a candle, but we all know she does not actually join Peter’s season because she goes on to win DWTS, which filmed basically the entire time the Bachelor filmed.

Let’s move on to the women who are actually competing for Peter’s heart, shall we?

I’m not going to go through every one, but I am going to include my top contenders thus far.

  1. Kelley Flanagan


Gotta love a lady lawyer from Chicago!  She was a large part of the episode, cheating scandal aside (and I thought she handled the accusation with grace and humor).  I like her!  She seems to have a good self-awareness about all of it, and she and Peter have an undeniable connection so far.  I hope that “target” on her back goes away as more women get into the fray.  I would hate to see her embroiled in unnecessary drama, but so far so good for Kelley.

2. Hannah Ann

Hannah Ann is like a doll!  She’s young, at 23, but has a lot of poise and grace about her.  She’s clearly very confident, and she has definitely captured Peter’s attention with that first impression rose.  I think she plays it up for the cameras a little too much, but I’m hoping she relaxes into all of this a bit and we get to know her more.  I think she’s going to be around for awhile.

3. Madison


This date was so sweet!  Madison seems like an all-around nice person.  She held it together for that fairly intense first date (first date while being filmed, first alone time with Peter, and also meeting his family all in one is a lot).  The two seemed well-matched.  I didn’t see SPARKS fly between them but they have a solid foundation so far.

Honestly, those are my top three and the rest I’m still trying to figure out.  I thought Tammy was a real hoot:

Victoria F. had a few meltdowns and great facial expressions:

Victoria P. seems too pure for this world (as in The Bachelor world), and I VERY much appreciated the flashback to spinning teacups.

Lauren is just stunning, and crushed the jumpsuit look, so I’m excited to see more from her:


So I’m pumped for this season!  And I hope you are too!  Until next time…


Let’s Do the Damn Thing!

Just kidding.  Can’t stand that motto.  Even Becca has changed her Instagram profile to remove it, so that is the LAST time you will see it on this blog!

Becca is on her journey to find love (for real this time) and so far, so good!  Honestly guys, I’m just so glad I don’t have to watch Arie on my screen anymore.  That season was so brutal, and not just because of the ending.  I feel like I barely know Becca because they barely showed any real conversation with any of the frontrunners.  But from what I can see, I think Becca will make a great Bachelorette .

I didn’t get a chance to do a full rundown of the guys, but honestly that’s a blessing in disguise.  We are going to be saying goodbye to so many of them in the next few weeks, so I’ll just focus on what we’ve been able to see this far.

We start off on a good note (after we finally get past breakup footage).  Former Bachelorettes come to give Becca advice!  I’ve missed Rachel, Jojo, and Kaitlyn on my screen!  This may have been my favorite part of the episode:

God I’ve missed Big Rach.

I feel like they breezed by most of the limo entrances and I still don’t know everyone’s name, but I do have some thoughts about some of the men.

I’m super impressed by Christon (Chris Staples), former Harlem Globetrotter.  This was a very cool move.

I’m surprised that I’m so into Leo as a contestant.  At first, I couldn’t get past the hair, but his commentary is on point and I hope he sticks around for awhile.

leo 2

I found Jordan absolutely insufferable.  My husband got tired of me yelling at the screen.  This dude is a total joke.  I can’t decide if he’s a Krystal (truly delusional) or a Corinne (playing for the cameras).  Either way I am going to have to get on board with him as entertainment because he looks like he’s around for awhile.


Colton seems a bit eh to me.  Like I get that he’s handsome and he seems to be into his charity, but he also seems a little too good to be true.  He had a whole media campaign to date Aly Raisman (who is a BOSS).

Here is Colton wooing Aly.  I thought it was pretty cute.  They dated for awhile and broke up awhile ago.  But him going on a reality show after going “viral” to date Aly just seems a little off.  Maybe I’m being too hard on him, but he also is shown wearing tshirts with suit jackets in the previews for this season, so I STAND BY IT.

I’m also NOT into Becca’s First Impression Rose recipient, Garrett.  Not going to lie, I was predisposed to disliking Garrett because I had already seen murmurs of his social media activity (in a nutshell, he liked some pretty vile Instagram memes making fun of Parkland survivors, violence against immigrant children, etc. – this is fodder for a separate post once we get to “know” Garrett more on the season).  However, despite my previous knowledge about him, I ended up disliking him for totally different reasons!  Dude is too cheesy, I just can’t get on board.


It was just too much.  The Chris Farley impression, the minivan, the fly fishing in the pool at the mansion.. it makes me want to push that cheesy face out of the screen!  It makes his social media presence pretty surprising, but we’ll just have to see it play out.

My frontrunners:

  1. Blake.  I love Blake!  I didn’t love that he rode in on an ox (I feel like those are not supposed to be ridden), but the rest of the night was A+ for Blake, and I feel the connection between him and Becca!


2. Wills.  Not only is he cute, but he has a Harry Potter tattoo.

3.  Colton.  I feel like he sticks around awhile, at least to tell Becca about his (potentially questioned??) virginity!

4. Garrett.  Even if he’s not my favorite, he got the First Impression Rose.  That usually means top 4, and if past Bachelorettes are anything to go by, it could mean he goes all the way.  Kaitlyn, Jojo, and Rachel all ended up getting engaged to the men they gave the first rose to.

Until next week!



Hello rose lovers!  I’m sorry for my absence – I’ve been so busy and the start of the Bachelor season is just so overwhelming!

Before we get too deep into the weeds, let’s talk about Arie.  I happened to adore Arie when he was a contestant on Emily’s season.  I was honestly shocked (SHOCKED!) when Emily picked Jef with one “f” over race-car driver Arie.  I think as a contestant, Arie shined.  He was likable, gallant, handsome, and very into Emily.  I think he’s struggling to find his footing a bit as the lead this time around, and I don’t think 5 years out of the spotlight helped.  On the one hand, at least he’s not uber-aware of every move he makes, like Nick was.  Nick was hyper-focused on image, and it made for a bad season.  Arie is not.  He’s a little bit nerdy and awkward, which are all fine.  It’s more that he doesn’t seem quite comfortable yet, which I hope passes as the process continues.

applause use

Also, his choices in women give me pause.  Arie is one of the more mature bachelors we’ve had.  He’s 36.  He’s not the oldest bachelor we’ve ever had, but he’s certainly not the youngest.  And it seems that he’s systematically booted all the women over 30, all in the first three episodes.

Goodbye Annaliese, 32.


Goodbye Lauren J., 33 (who, by the way, had a very interesting, and in my opinion, stunning first night dress)

lauren j

Goodbye, Lauren S., 31 (to Arie’s credit, that was a BAD date)

lauren s

Goodbye Nysha, 30


Which means that we are only three episodes in, and Arie is, at a MINIMUM, 7 years older than the oldest woman left.  And he’s 14 years older than the youngest (Bekah M).  It’s not necessarily problematic on its own, but given Arie’s dating history, that seems to be his type.  He’s been eliminating women who are challenging (aka, Annaliese making him decide whether or not the two of them had a future), and keeping women like Jenna, who has looked decidedly tipsy at every single turn.

However, it is too soon to call the season.  We still have a few great ladies, so here are my picks for women who will go far.

  1. Becca K., 27.

becca dress

I’m a big fan of Becca.  She got the first 1-on-1, which usually means the lead is into the contestant.  And that date went really well.  She got the “Cinderella” date, which I have mixed feelings about generally.  The show usually picks someone who is a little out of their element with that date, and it always feels really paternalistic.  But Becca knew her way around some Louboutins, so it felt a little less icky this time around.  Becca is also doing a good job of staying out of drama and appears to be really normal.  I like her, and I think Arie does too.

2. Seinne, 27

I have a major girl crush on Seinne.  She’s beautiful, smart, and kind of a badass (she won that bumper car challenge like a champ).  Also, her style is impeccable.  She always is wearing something classic, like monotone, but with a hint of sexy, like a cut-out or sheer.  I would pick Seinne.  I don’t know if Arie will, but she’s a catch, so I hope he keeps her around for awhile.


3. Tia, 26.

At first I thought Tia was just Raven 2.0 (which honestly isn’t that bad because I’ve come around hard on Raven), but Tia is her own person and she’s fabulous!  She’s funny, quick, and comfortable with Arie.  She’s got a lot of spunk and she’s a pleasure to watch, so I hope she sticks around as well.  Tia also seems well-liked in the house, and although she’s in the center of some storylines, she’s not the one causing drama, which is a good sign.


Honestly, those are the only ones I like/think will go far.  I also like Caroline, and she had a promising start as first out of the limo, but I haven’t seen anything from her.  I loved Annaleise and all of her crazy traumatic backstories, but she wasn’t what Arie was looking for.  There are a few other women that we have to talk about.  These are women that I think Arie likes, but I don’t like them for him.

First up, Krystal.  It’s hard to ignore Krystal because she has inserted herself in every episode, sometimes multiple times.  What can I say?  I’m not a fan of Krystal.  She says she had a cold during the first few weeks of filming, but her affect is really noticeable in her ITMs, and less so when she’s having a conversation “off camera.”

The way she is with Arie is super seductive yet sweet, which Arie seems to find very attractive.

krystal 1

But I have a feeling Krystal thought she wasn’t being filmed for this odd exchange, and her affect (and voice) are totally different.

krystal 2

I don’t buy that it was just a cold.  Also, there’s Chelsea the single mom, who came in super hot with the other girls, but seems to have laid off a bit.  I don’t really see the chemistry between Arie and Chelsea, but he seems to like her “mystery.”


Last up, Bekah.  I actually find Bekah super compelling to watch, so this analysis is nothing against her.  I just don’t think she’s right for Arie.  Mostly because I don’t think she’s that INTO Arie.  I think she’s really good at being (or acting) super-confident, and she knows that’s a different approach from a lot of other women, so it’s working on Arie.  But I don’t think it will last, and if it does, I don’t think she’d be happy with Arie.  Bekah is 22 – she’s got her whole life ahead of her (hopefully on Paradise!!!).


Looks like it’s going to be a good season.  Hopefully I’ll be blogging a little more frequently.  Cheers to another episode tonight!



Team Peter? Team Bryan? TEAM RACHEL!

SO MUCH to talk about from last night’s finale.  Based on what I’ve been reading on Twitter and hearing from friends, I have a very different take on what went down last night.  I don’t think Peter was just being uber realistic – I think he didn’t want to be with Rachel.  I don’t think Rachel was just looking for a ring, I think she was asking Peter to take a leap of faith with her and he wouldn’t.

Two points to keep in mind as I go forward:

  • I have been #TeamPeter all season long.  This is not a vendetta I have against Peter.  This is just my analysis of what went down during Peter and Rachel’s last two dates.
  • I am analyzing this within the confines of this show.  This is not just two people who met in public – they met on a reality dating show that ends in an engagement.  Rachel, as the lead, has to cooperate (obviously she can buck the rules, we’ll get to that later) but we can’t forget the context of these interactions.

Context of the Show

The Bachelor and Bachelorette end in engagement.  Full stop.  In the past ten years, only ONE lead has left the show without getting engaged – our favorite bachelor, Juan Pablo.  No Bachelorette has ever left the show without getting engaged.  It’s not a rule, because you can’t force anyone to do it, but it’s damn near close.

If you listen to the leads discuss their relationships post-show, without fail each of them will say that the engagement was the start of their real relationship.  I have not heard a single one say that they knew they wanted to get married right away.  No couple goes on After the Final Rose and says they’re already planning their wedding.  ALL of them say they are excited to start seeing each other in the normal world.  From there, who knows?  We know the stats.  Most of them do not end in marriage.

See the above from former Bachelorette Ali on her blog today. 

Within this universe, an engagement doesn’t mean what it means after you’ve been dating for a normal amount of time in the real world.  It’s an “engagement” – a promise to keep seeing each other.  That’s not to say that engagement isn’t important.  Peter has a valid point.  You only get to say those words “will you marry me” for the first time once.  But it is well known that an engagement on this show is only the beginning of a relationship.

Peter’s Place on the Show

Peter’s insistence that engagement is the same as being married has no place on this show.  HEAR ME OUT.  If Peter knew he felt this way about engagement, he should never have gone on this show.  But we know people go on the show for lots of reasons, not just love.

So let’s say he realized that he was having feelings for Rachel but KNEW he couldn’t propose?  He should have left before final 2.  Lots of people have done it.  Graham left DeAnna’s season after hometowns.  Ali left Jake’s season after hometowns.  Frank left Ali’s season right before fantasy suites, throwing her into a tailspin.  And how can we forget Brooks leaving Desiree right before fantasy suites?  We all thought Brooks was the one for Des and she ended up marrying her “consolation prize” Chris.  They have a baby now.

desiree sad

These people meet on a show and they have to follow the show’s rules to get to the end.  Remember Kaitlyn and Shawn?  They literally fell in love with each other at first sight.  Kaitlyn told him he was “the one” off camera in like week 4.  They still had to go through the whole show, and she even told him that the only way this works is if he sticks around.  The lead cannot leave the show because the person she likes best leaves.  She is contractually obligated to see it through.  If you care about the lead, you have to go through all of it.  It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to get engaged at the end, but you’ve seen the numbers.  Everyone does it.

Rachel and Peter’s Fantasy Suite Date

Rachel and Peter have always been cute.  I loved them together from the start.  But Peter was always reserved compared to the others.  I thought that was just his personality, but starting with the Fantasy Suite date I started to think he might just not be that into her.

Peter and Rachel’s Last Chance Date

I’ll take this moment to say that I really do think Peter had feelings for Rachel.  They’re super cute together.  I think he was surprised at how much he cared about her and he never expected himself to be in that situation.

Peter is stuck.  He refuses to compromise on the engagement point but doesn’t want to leave her yet.

Peter marriage

Rachel is frustrated that he won’t play the game and meet her there:

Rachel: If I’m here putting myself out there, so will whoever is at the end.

And then this exchange:

Rachel: You run from too easy.

Peter: Maybe run is not the right word.  I’m definitely not running, I’m here, and moving forward I can completely see football games, and baseball games, and the farmer’s market and wine night with painting.

Rachel: What are your fears about marriage?

Peter: I have no fears about marriage.  It’s something that I really look forward to in life.  Marriage doesn’t scare me.  The idea of having multiple marriages scares me, and multiple proposals is to me one and the same.

Peter: I didn’t expect to find someone who I truly, deeply cared about.  But the hard part is, for me deciding if this person I care about is someone who I love and see as the one and only for the rest of my life.

Rachel expresses that she feels like she’s forcing something to happen and Peter just doesn’t want her in that way.  BINGO.  This is it.

rachel marriage

But Peter can’t just let her go and keeps talking about the future.

Rachel:  I’m so confused about how you can see forever with me but you can’t do the step that you have to to get to forever.  I don’t get it.

That step is only one thing, ENGAGEMENT.  We’re almost breaking the fourth wall here.  In the real world, neither one of them would be having this conversation at this point, but we’re not in the real world.  Engagement doesn’t mean wedding planning.  In this context, engagement means putting yourself out there, taking a leap of faith, compromising and understanding the difference, and starting a new relationship.  Peter won’t do it.

The Break-Up

I don’t think Peter is a “villain” and I don’t think he intended to get himself into this situation, but I do think he was a little manipulative at the end.  Peter has created an impossible situation for Rachel.

He straight up tells her: “I am in love with you, that became very clear to me today, but these feelings are so recent.  They’ve been growing to this point all throughout but I don’t feel that I’m ready to ask you to marry me tomorrow.  But I don’t want to stop being with you.”

So we’re done here.  In the normal world, this would be totally fine.  This would be reasonable, rational behavior.  But we’re on this show called The Bachelorette and everything ends in an “engagement” and Peter refusing to understand that or give in to it is a DEALBREAKER.  Rachel doesn’t care about the Neil Lane ring.  She wants a partner who is all in.  Peter isn’t all in.  DONE.

Here’s where I think it gets a little manipulative.  I think Peter just isn’t there with Rachel.  Which is fine!  He shouldn’t propose if he doesn’t love her.  But he then pivots and says he will propose (basically under duress) after saying that proposing is the one thing he holds “so special and dear to his heart” and he doesn’t want to give it away.  He says he only has one opportunity to propose.  Rachel says: “You don’t have one opportunity, you’re choosing to have one opportunity.”  Peter responds: “I choose to have one opportunity and that is my choice.”

Rachel: You don’t want to take the risk to move forward to what I want.  I don’t want to take the risk to move forward to what you want.

Peter asks if thinking on it overnight will help.

Rachel: What’s going to change overnight?  Even if it did I wouldn’t even feel confident.  If it changes in the morning you would do it completely out of fear.  You’d be doing it because you don’t want to lose me.

Peter:  I would do it for you.  To prove to you that I want to pursue this relationship.

Rachel: I don’t want you to be doing under peer pressure.

Peter: I will make a sacrifice if I have to.  Now you’re saying you don’t want me to.

Rachel: I want you to do it because you want to do it.

Peter: I want to do that when I feel like it is the correct time.

Rachel: And you feel tomorrow is the correct time?

Peter: No.

Rachel: Exactly.  Then don’t do it.

Too little too late Peter!  You think other contestants literally felt ready to marry the lead the night before proposal?  No way.  They all play along and do it because that’s how the show works and they take a leap of faith that the relationship will go somewhere after the show.  He shouldn’t have put that back on her.  He shouldn’t have made Rachel choose to have Peter disavow his morals (especially when he said he couldn’t promise he wouldn’t be resentful).  Rachel is too smart for this.  She knows how this will play out and he knows that she knows that.  He makes her do the dirty work of leaving him, when he should have left her and told her his feelings just weren’t there.

I do think Peter cared for Rachel.  I do think he was confused.  I don’t think he cared for her enough and I don’t think he should have proposed because it just wasn’t there for him.  He should have owned up to that instead of making this all about how he can never propose more than once.  Hundreds of thousands of people propose more than once and they’re doing just fine.

After the Final Rose

Rachel is getting a lot of heat for how she treated Peter on the after show.  I think she was a freaking master, but we’ll get to that.  Rachel was clearly pissed.  She had just watched back the show for the first time and heard Peter say: “Great.  Then go find someone to have a mediocre life with.”  You think she doesn’t understand all the things I’ve explained in this post?  She’s pissed that Peter couldn’t get on board.  SHE was the Bachelorette – she shouldn’t be getting constructively dumped the day before the proposal.  I would be pissed too.

There have been some rumbles about Peter as the next Bachelor.  People are definitely #TeamPeter.  There have also been some rumbles about how that’s what Peter wanted all along.  I’m not that cynical (he would have left at top 3 if he wanted the gig because that’s the clearest way to it), but I do think that was impacting his behavior on the after show.  And Rachel is right.  He can’t have it both ways.  If he is sticking to his story that proposal = marriage then he has no place on this show.

Peter tried to say that he was too in his head this time around (leaving open the possibility that he’d be better next time).

Peter: If I could take back one thing from the entire experience it was to get out of my head, to relax and open myself up more to you and to the process and I don’t know if I regret that but I definitely wish I could have done that differently.

Rachel SHUT IT DOWN: I don’t know, I don’t think that’s what it was.  When I look back and think about it and process the whole thing, what I think was so great was that you were true to yourself, and you took your time and you were at your own pace and I think that’s what was so great.  But I just don’t think this world, this process, this journey, this show, I just don’t think it’s for you.  You need more time.  You need to see things through.  You’re searching for something else.  I don’t think it takes away from the person that you are and I think that you’re sincere and you’re genuine and it’s beautiful and I think you just need more time when it comes to these things, and I hope that moving forward you find whatever it is that you’re searching for and you move forward in that way.

She then quipped that she’s “living her best life,” which seems to really offend the Internet.  It was in a direct response to Peter’s comment about how she’ll live a life of mediocrity.  I saw that as some sass, not an attack.  And her comment about it not being right for him?  NOT AN ATTACK.  If it’s an attack at all, it’s an attack to show that Peter shouldn’t be Bachelor.

I like Peter.  I think Peter is super cute.  I like that he’s rational, and I would much prefer to see him as the Bachelor than someone like Bryan.  But Peter does not get to have it both ways.  He doesn’t get to tell the lead that the process doesn’t work for him and then turn around and try it again with 25 women.  If Peter TRULY believes that a proposal = marriage, he has no place on this show and certainly no place as the Bachelor.  (I don’t think he actually believes that.  I think he just wasn’t there with Rachel, which is fair.  I think he should have owned up to his feelings and then he could go on his merry way as the Bachelor).

Rachel schooled him.  She even got him to admit that maybe the process isn’t right for him.  Lawyered.  I’ve rewatched the after show more than once.  I don’t think she attacked him.  I think people are reacting because they love Peter.  That’s fine, Peter is a cutie.  But I’m Team Rachel.  It’s not an attack on him to say that maybe this process is not for him.  If he really means it that he only ever wants to propose once, he should really not be the Bachelor.

Rachel and Bryan

I’ll keep this brief.  The finale was all about Rachel and Peter.  I think the proposal was overshadowed by this.  Bryan just doesn’t do it for me, but let’s not forget that Rachel has been all about Bryan since night one.  They have chemistry, they are excited around each other, and Bryan has been there for her the entire time.  He’s not my cup of tea, but I’m not the one who is engaged to him.

I do not think Rachel took a consolation prize just for a ring.  I trust her way too much for that.  I do think Rachel had real feelings for Peter and it was hard to say goodbye to him.  But almost all the leads have true feelings for more than one person and they still get engaged at the end of it.  Desiree was absolutely gutted when Brooks left.  I don’t think I’ve seen a sadder proposal on this show.  But Desiree and the runner up are a success story with a baby.  This whole show is messed up – it’s crazy to expect the lead to say goodbye to someone they love and then turn around and get engaged to someone else an hour later.  That’s how it works, and it’s not fair to hold Rachel to a different standard than other leads just because we all thought Peter was hotter/smarter/more rational.

I’m bummed that Rachel was forced on the defensive for her and Bryan.  I don’t think it was the most lovey dovey After the Final Rose.  I hope she’s super happy with Bryan and wish her nothing but the best.  We’ll see what happens with Peter.  I think the after show poked some holes in the narrative of Peter for Bachelor.  For what it’s worth, I WILL WATCH ERIC ANY DAY.





Bachelorette Personal

A Tribute

This week’s Bachelorette was bittersweet for me.  As some of you may know, a dear friend of mine passed away a little over a week ago.  She was a main part of my Bachelorette experience when I lived in Seattle, and it was hard to watch knowing she wasn’t following along.

I’ve known my friend, Jenni, since middle school.  She went by Jen when we got older, but I’ll always think if her as Jenni with an “I”, and sometimes with a heart instead of a dot.  Jenni was such a good person.  She sparkled, she drew people to her, and she had a joy for life that was infectious.  When we were in high school we lived a few minutes away from each other and were together almost every weekend.

After high school, we solidified our Bachelor/Bachelorette watching habits.  We’d come home to Seattle for the summer just in time for the Bachelorette season to start.  Every Monday, I’d bring over the wine (always Chardonnay, Jenni’s favorite), we’d paint our nails, and discuss the episode.  I had watched the show before then, but I looked forward to these Mondays and will always remember them as a starting point for my true appreciation for the franchise.

Jenni actually auditioned for the show one summer.  A friend and I accompanied her to an outdoor mall about 40 minutes away from home for an open casting call (you know, the ones they advertise during the commercial breaks of the show).  We sat forever, coached her on her answers, and waited while she went in there and interviewed.  I didn’t know if she was going to get on the show.  She was pretty young at the time (only 23), we had been out on her boat the day before so she had a vicious sunburn, and had just chopped her hair off into the cutest bob (see my post on what makes a winner – mermaid hair is a constant theme).  She ended up not getting called back, but I’m pretty sure we saw Chantal O’Brien auditioning (she got second place on Brad Womack’s second season).

It’s hard for me to separate the experience of watching the show from my memories of Jenni.  My friends in Seattle continued that tradition and would spend every Monday watching the show together, Jenni included.  It’s also hard for me to describe the deep sorrow I feel now that Jenni’s gone.  So, for this week, a tribute.

jmo13When we went wine tasting for a joint birthday celebration and planned on riding bikes to the wineries.  Jenni didn’t have a bike so we bought her one at WalMart.  We popped all our tires.  Jenni’s WalMart bike was the only bike to survive.


Triple birthday celebration (we were all born within weeks of each other).  Jenni let me borrow her dress for dinner.  We owned Yakima that night.


Surprise engagement party for Jenni.  She was the first of our friends to get engaged.  I made cupcakes from scratch.  She asked me to be her bridesmaid that night.


Wine tasting in Napa for Jenni’s bachelorette.  White wine only, of course.

jmo rehearsal

Bridesmaid picture with Jenni the night before her wedding.


The night before my wedding.

jmo liz

My last picture of just the two of us.  Bend, Oregon, May 2017, at a friend’s bachelorette party.

I recently stumbled across our class senior picture from high school.  It’s at trip.

class pic

Jenni’s right in the front, with a big shining star on her shirt.  I’m right behind her.  Jenni was always a star and I am honored to have been close to her until the end.  Love you always, JMo.


No recap this week, but I’ll leave you with my top guys.  This week’s episode was gloriously drama free, and I think it’s a testament to the caliber of men Rachel kept for her top 6.  They were all mature and thoughtful.  Usually at this point I’m thinking, HOW has the lead not figured out that X contestant is there for the wrong reasons?!  Not so with Rachel.

  1. Bryan/Peter.  It’s between these two for me.  I think she has strong feelings for both, but Bryan has given her a ton of affirmation and Peter seems to still be a question mark.  I find Peter’s honesty very refreshing, but I can see how it would be scary at this point.  I don’t know who she’ll pick but I think it’s down to these two.
  2. Eric.  He has totally stepped it up since he went on his one-on-one.  He’s still the same analytical guy, but some of that anxiety is gone and he’s been able to be joyful and positive.
  3. Dean.  I love Dean.  He’s a really great guy.  His interactions with the men in the house have been very mature and he just seems like a good person.  I thought his one-on-one with Rachel this week was a little disjointed, and I think that speaks to his age.  Dean’s references to his eccentric family also point to the very classic hometown date disaster awaiting us next week.  I think Rachel and Dean are very sweet together, but I don’t see the long term potential for them in the same way I see it with the other guys.

Next week back to regular programming.  Until then, xoxo.




BIP and Lee

If you’re interested in this blog and the Bachelorette, you have probably heard that Bachelor in Paradise was shut down two weeks ago, and then restarted this week.  There’s a lot of information floating around about what happened, and much of it comes from anonymous sources, but I want to lay out what we know and my thoughts on what went down.

Bachelor in Paradise is the trashy little sister to the Bachelor/Bachelorette mainstream love story.  The producers, Chris Harrison, and ABC still pretend that the Bachelor/Bachelorette can lead to true love.  They’ve given up that completely when it comes to Bachelor in Paradise.  The premise of the show is getting a bunch of rejected suitors from the mainstream shows, put them in a resort in Mexico, isolate them from the world, ply them with alcohol, and roll the cameras.

bip pic

It is no surprise that people get drunk in that situation.  It is also no surprise that people hook up, sometimes with lots of different people, all on camera.  But the issue of consent has never come up, and the show has never, NEVER, stopped production before.

There are still a lot of competing stories out there, but I’ll do my best to break it down.

Bachelor in Paradise started filming on June 4 in Mexico.  On the first day of filming, Corinne and DeMario hooked up after allegedly being told by the show that their “story line” would be that the two of them hang out.  The two had both been drinking heavily, and the hookup happened in the pool.

Stories diverge a bit about what the actual hookup entailed.  According to sources close to DeMario (anonymous, so grain of salt), the two were both heavily intoxicated, they were naked, but did not engage in intercourse.  According to sources from ABC (anonymous again), at one point Corinne “seemed to go limp and was sliding under the water.”  The two appeared to have intercourse briefly.  Corinne issued a statement today.  In her words: “I am a victim and have spent the last week trying to make sense of what happened on June 4.  Although I have little memory of that night, something bad obviously took place, which I understand is why production on the show has now been suspended and a producer on the show has filed a complaint against the production.”

After June 4, a producer filed a complaint with the show.  It has been reported that the producer was Corinne’s handler who had not seen the interaction the night before.  It has also been reported that another producer filed a similar complaint.  The show quarantined contestants, shut down production, and started investigating.  Towards the end of the week, the show shut down production indefinitely, sent the cast and crew home.  No lawsuit has been filed by any party, although both Corinne and DeMario have stated that they have hired lawyers.

This past week, Warner Brothers announced that it had concluded its investigation and found no wrongdoing by any party.  The investigation was over in 10 days.  They flew everyone back to Mexico and have since resumed filming.

I have a lot of questions.  If the tape proved no wrongdoing, why did they send everyone home?  Wouldn’t that have been dispositive and readily available information?  I find it odd that they shut down production only to conclude that nothing wrong happened.

Viewed in the best possible light, ABC took allegations very seriously, assumed the worst, and proceeded with extreme caution.  I hope that’s what happened, but I’m pretty skeptical.  This show is, at its core, a moneymaker for ABC.  Sending everyone home and shutting down production “indefinitely” is a huge blow to the network.  If they didn’t resume filming, it would have been six weeks of two times a week primetime that wouldn’t have been filled with anything.

What I think is the more likely scenario (based entirely on speculation and lots of reading about how this networks acts) is that a producer, who had not been present the night of the incident, made a report about bad behavior.  The network took it seriously and investigated.  They realized this would be great publicity.  They issued statements, sent everyone home, and flew them all back, even when they must have seen the tape on Day 1.   People will be riveted now.  They’ll tune in to see what went down with Corinne and DeMario.  ABC says it won’t be airing the incident – wanna bet they air everything but?

The incident brings up some interesting questions about consent and what that means when you’ve signed your life over to a show.  Consent can be so simple but so complex.  People sometimes think it’s easy – get affirmative consent and you’re good to go.  But what if two adults are equally intoxicated and equally participating in a hookup?  What if both are too drunk to consent?  Add another layer.  Someone has told you that your storyline is hooking up with this individual.  You know your producer.  You trust your producer.  You’re coming from an environment where everything is managed for you.  You’re hungry?  Someone will get you food.  You want a drink?  Coming right up.  You’re confused about your feelings?  Someone will talk you through it (on camera, of course).

What I find most interesting about this whole thing is the conversation about what responsibility, if any, the producers have to put a stop to behavior they find potentially harmful or criminal.  BIP has been skirting pretty close the line for awhile now.  Last season, Chad and Lace got WASTED, hooked up in a hot tub (which of course was aired), and he then proceeded to verbally assault her.  Then he pooped his pants.  Is that behavior ok?  Should someone have stepped in and told them they were too drunk to consent?  That Chad shouldn’t drink any more?  That he was clearly processing something deep (death of a parent) and he wasn’t equipped to be on television at that time?

I think yes.  I think the producers have a heightened obligation to protect the contestants from incidents like this.  I don’t know if that fits with the model, and I don’t know if that makes for good TV,  but the power dynamic is skewed.  Producers decide how contestants look to the world.  They tell contestants what to do and there’s a level of trust that exists between a producer and his or her contestant.  From what I’ve heard, participating in the Bachelor, Bachelorette, or BIP is a very isolating experience and you are only exposed to and can “trust” people who are paid to make a television show out of your behavior.  Power balance off, heightened responsibility for the people with the power.

That being said, it looks like we’re full steam ahead with this season’s BIP.  I have my own totally unsubstantiated theories about why ABC chose to handle the incident this way, and we’ll probably never know what really went down and why ABC did what they did. But do I think they approached it in a way to increase ratings?  Absolutely.  SO.  That’s that, we’ll have BIP this summer, and we’ll have to see how it all goes down (no pun intended).

Meanwhile, ABC is taking us on a Rachel rollercoaster with NO rose ceremonies at the end of the episode.  ANNOYING.  We’re still at the part of the season where we have to deal with a bunch of assholes who clearly aren’t going to win but take up all our screen time.  Asshole of the week is named Lee.  Lee is the worst.  He’s the contestant who is “playing the game” and the lead can’t see it but everyone else is like, whyyyy is he still here.  He started out by befriending Kenny, Eric, and other men in the house, only to deliberately antagonize them, prod them, and try to get them to react.  The way Lee describes his interactions with Eric and Kenny is classic coding for “angry black man.”  Eric wasn’t just expressing himself, he was “screaming.”  Kenny wasn’t just standing up for himself, he was “aggressive.”

Even if we HADN’T seen Lee’s Twitter feed, which confirms that this turd is not woke, his behavior is pretty obvious and is a classic manifestation of racism.  Yes, racism.  Calling a black man aggressive and out of control because he engaged in a conversation with you is an overreaction based on stereotypes and fear.  Saying a black man was “screaming” when he was speaking slightly louder than a conversational tone is playing into stereotypes and fear.  You know who WAS screaming?  Mr. Whaboom.  That was a legitimate yell.  Where was Lee for that?

Anyway.  I’m bummed that Lee and Kenny have to go on a 2-1 this week.  They never end well, even if you get picked.  Kenny is one of my favorite contestants this season and he’s getting sucked into the trap of dealing with house dynamics over his own relationship with Rachel.  I do want to note, however, that Lee has been a thorn in Eric’s side as well, and Eric has moved past it with Rachel.  I think that’s more of a testament to how Rachel feels about Eric, rather than Eric’s behavior.  I don’t think she’s that into Kenny, which breaks my heart.  I hope Kenny finds love soon!  Can’t wait to see how it all plays out tomorrow.

As always, my rankings.

  1. Dean.  Dean was on fire this episode.  He’s super charming and I was so there for him taking Lee down and naming exactly what was going on in the house.  I’m concerned he’s too young for Rachel but I don’t even care.
  2. Peter.  Peter made it his mission to stay out of the drama and stay focused on his relationship with Rachel.  He seems to be a calming force for Rachel, and I think she keeps getting more and more interested in him.  Kind of a slower burn, but it’s there.
  3. Bryan.  Bryan hasn’t had a 1-on-1 yet, but he did get the first impression rose.  I think he’s going to be a big player this season, once we weed through the rest of the contestants.  Rachel is totally attracted to him.  I don’t love their kissing style, but who am I to judge?  I hope Rachel’s concern that he’s too good to be true is misplaced.

Honorable mention: Josiah.  I find him funny!  I get that it might be a little obnoxious to showboat like that when you have the mic, but I think it shows confidence and ease.  I thought him making out with the trophy was hilarious.  I assume he’s joking.  Otherwise none of this is funny.  But I like Josiah.

Also, this week we had to say goodbye to Diggy.  I literally yelled out loud when I realized he had been sent home.  Diggy, I love you and I love your bow-ties.  I hope we haven’t seen the last of you.

diggy gif


I Love Rachel

I meant to post before the new episode last night but Monday snuck up on me.  Thanks, Memorial Day Weekend!  The first few episodes are always a whirlwind, but my main takeaway from the first two episodes is that I LOVE RACHEL LINDSAY.

that's my girl

She is the best.  I think she is going to be the best bachelorette we’ve ever had, and I’ve liked pretty much all of them in past years.  I love Rachel’s confidence and sense of humor.  She seems like she’s having a lot of fun with the process, and although I’m sure we’ll get to see her break down at some point, she sailed through night one like a boss.

Also, is it just me, or do her guys seem better than normal?  Obviously there are some duds, which we’ll get to later, but overall I am digging the authenticity and kindness that these guys seem to have.  There were a few standouts the past two nights.  Kenny is hilarious and has such good commentary.  I hope he sticks around so we get more gems like this:

“I’m a pro wrestler. I know all about white dudes acting crazy…take your ass back to Santa Monica.” – Kenny


I am also a big fan of Josiah.  He really stepped it up this week after that whole DeMario fiasco, and nabbed that group date rose.  I’m not sure I feel the chemistry between the two of them, but I’m a Josiah fan.

Speaking of chemistry – RACHEL AND PETER.  I’m all in.  Rachel’s date with Peter was the first 1-on-1 of the season and the only 1-on-1 this episode, so I know it won’t be smooth sailing on the Rachel and Peter journey all the way through, but they are adorable together.  Peter was also the first one out of the limo on night 1, which historically has meant that he’ll go far.  One other thing to note – I read somewhere (in one of the books the contestants publish after the fact – I’ve read them all) that the first 1-on-1 of the season is the only date that the lead actually gets to hand-select, and that every other date is picked by producers.  The lead can ask for additional time with any of the contestants and the producers will take that into account in setting up the dates, but the first 1-on-1 is the lead’s selection.  Not sure if that is still the case, but if so, it’s very telling.

I loved Rachel and Peter’s date.  What can go wrong when you throw puppies into the equation?  I also loved that the two of them got deep (and that the editors chose to show us all of that).  They didn’t just bond over their adorable gaps in their teeth, but talked about where they might live after the show and how they both took steps to work on their mental health by seeing therapists.  It is so refreshing for the show to handle something like therapy as a positive and very normal aspect of life, instead of twisting it into some issue that the contestant has to grapple with.

peter and rachel

Good looking family right here

That date was definitely the highlight of the episode for me.  The low point?  All of DeMario.  I haven’t loved DeMario from the start.  His bio screamed “attention-seeker” and his confidence on night one went a little too far to be attractive.  So I was not at all surprised to hear that he was the one with the girlfriend.


I mean, he dunked on her.  Poor form.

DeMario having a questionable relationship status was bad, but the way he dealt with it was even worse.  When Rachel brought him in to the gym, he literally tried to pretend he didn’t know the woman.

who dis

New phone, who dis?

When that didn’t work, he tried to defame the woman’s character by calling her crazy.  He didn’t even give her the respect to direct his attention towards her.  He totally ignored her in an effort to get to Rachel.  REALLY poor form.  Not surprisingly, Rachel handled it like a boss.  She read through the texts, gave DeMario a chance to explain himself, and then calmly told him he made no sense so he needed to get the fuck out.  BOSS.

Of course, that didn’t mean that Rachel wasn’t upset by the whole thing.  She made it clear several times last night that she didn’t want to be made a fool of, and DeMario was doing just that.  It also shakes your confidence when you realize that others could be there for the wrong reasons (even if you know that happens every season).  Rachel is starting to dig some of these guys and not being able to trust them is not a good feeling.

I also think that Rachel was pissed off at the producers, and rightly so.  In her own words, she didn’t even know DeMario.  But she did know the producers and Chris Harrison, and she’s smart enough to know they made this whole thing happen.  Rachel is buying in to this process and putting her life on hold in the off-chance that she might be one of the lucky few who finds lasting love on this show.  She doesn’t want to be made a fool of by the guys, but she especially doesn’t want to be played by the producers.

Check out this sequence:

rachel 1

Rachel looks inside the gym and sees producers and Chris Harrison.

rachel 2

See the producers and cameramen?


rachel 3

Chris Harrison waits for Rachel to come in.

rachel 4

Rachel walks right past him.

I don’t blame her.  I’d be pissed too.  Those producers are the ones who make her keep this jackass around just for ratings:

lucas 3

She gets past it and goes in to her ITM (“in the moment”) interview like a good lead, but I hope she knows by now that the producers are not your friends.  Not real friends, at least.  Even if you think they are, they still have a show to make and that has to come first.

It looks like we haven’t seen the last of DeMario.  I can guarantee you that he is not coming back for Rachel.  He comes back to clear his name.  All of this is all about him, not her.  Like she said, she barely even knows him, and I doubt DeMario has had a chance to actually get to know the “wifey” he wouldn’t shut up about.  I’m sure Rachel knows this and will send him packing, but we’ll just have to wait until then.

And now, my picks:

  1. Peter:  If you’re not picking Peter as first right now,  you’re blind.  They had an awesome date.  He’s handsome, funny, and the right amount of chill.  Team Peter and Rachel!
  2. Dean:  I actually don’t love Dean, but I think Rachel is really into him.  Dean strikes me as a little young.  I think he’s sticking around for a bit though – that was the person Rachel seemed to connect physically with the most on her group date.
  3. Brian:  Speaking of physical, we have to talk about Brian, who did not get a date this week.  I was all about Brian on paper.  And I do think he’ll go far, because he got the first impression rose AND the first kiss.  I just did not like him once he started talking.  He wasn’t the only one who lead with a lot of bravado, but he seemed a little too smooth.  And… that kiss was gnarly.  Not into it.



But Rachel said her “love language” is physical affection, so maybe she’s into it?  I’m keeping him in the top for now.

Honorable mention goes to Kenny and Josiah, for the same reasons listed above.  I think they have a lot of potential, but I don’t see the chemistry with them the same way I see it with Peter, Dean, and Brian.  That could change though, dates only started this week.

Until next time!


Rachel’s Roster

Oh man.  We’re back.  It feels like forever but it’s really only been a few months.  But a few months without my Monday night fix of the Bachelor/Bachelorette feels like awhile.  And you all know how excited I am for my girl, Rachel.  I haven’t been this excited about a lead since Andi (I have a thing for lady lawyers), and Rachel could even exceed Andi’s season.  I get the sense that she has a better sense of humor, and I’m excited to see where this season goes.  Of course, all of it depends on the men picked to woo her.  Let’s see how they stack up.




I need to start by saying that for some unholy reason, ABC has omitted the geographic location for these men.  Geography is crucial to my analysis, so I’m kind of flying blind.  With that caveat, I am not feeling Adam.  He’s 27 (Rachel is 32) and a 5 year age difference might be too much.  He’s tall enough, which is good, but his profile is affirmatively boring.  Until he says his favorite actor is Jennifer Lawrence (this is a good choice) but his reasoning goes astray – he likes her because “she is every girl’s goal.”  Is she YOUR goal, Adam?  He’s normal enough to maybe linger for awhile, or he might be a first-nighter.  Not top 4 though, no way.



Alex is very attractive.  He’s 28, maybe a little young but within range, and he’s tall.  Unfortunately, his answers are even more boring than Adam’s.  He can’t pick three musical artists he likes (music isn’t a big part of his life) and he likes giving practical gifts.  He calls himself “unemotional,” which, in this franchise, is a big red flag.  He ate a live salamander?  I think that skews more weird than interesting.  Alex is attractive enough to stick around until like top 6-8, but I don’t think he’s Rachel’s guy.



Anthony is a cutie!  He’s really young though, 26, which I think will eventually be a strike against him.  He’s extra tall, which is only a good thing, and his answers are spot on.  He references his mom, teaching English in Indonesia, get a freaking FULBRIGHT to teach in the Ivory Coast, and does it all while sounding humble.  IN TO ANTHONY.  His profile has a lot of depth (hello, he reads Murakami).  This is the caliber I want for Rachel.  I only hope the age difference doesn’t work against him.


Blake #1

We have two Blakes this season!  Blake #1 is 31, age appropriate!  Unfortunately he does not have a real job (he is an “aspiring drummer.”  That could be producer-driven, who knows.  Blake seems just fine.  He got engaged to a crazy girl and the engagement only lasted 48 hours, so I’d like to hear more about that, but otherwise he seems to have a pretty good sense of normalcy/humor.  Unobjectionable.

blake 2Blake #2

Blake #2!  Blake seems pretty straightforward.  He’s a marine, which is pretty cool.  I should note that he is the second person to reference Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.  I don’t hate it though.  He was pretty good on SNL and I definitely like him in Ballers.  Do you think he’s actually running for president?  Anyway, Blake #2.  What can you say?  He likes Chipotle.  He likes his mom.  He lost his dad, which sucks.  Sorry, Blake #2.  I’m going to take the wait-and-see approach to Blake #2.  Not enough info at this point.



Our first male model!  Welcome, Brady.  I’m leaning way in to Brady only because he understands the beauty of Lululemon sweatpants for men.  They’ve seriously changed my husband’s life.  Thank you, Brady, for bringing attention to this important retail option.  Brady is cute, right age, right height.  I don’t know if I see Rachel with a male model, but there is a bit of depth to Brady’s answers (at least he affirmatively rejects Mike The Situation as too much of a bro, so that’s a start).  I am not feeling him for final 4.



I like Bryan!  He’s definitely on the older side, 37, but he’s handsome and a professional (a chiropractor!).  He describes himself as kind, which I think is very important, and calls out Bill Gates as someone he looks up to.  As much as I like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Bill Gates wins this round.  I am in to Bryan for Rachel.  Final four.



Bryce… annoys me.  At least his answers do.  A few examples:

Would you describe yourself as “the party-starter,” “the wingman” or “the laid back one”? Laid back shot of gasoline when the fire starts to die.  (I’m sorry, what?  This is not a country song.)

What is the most outrageous thing you have ever done? High speed pursuit on a motorcycle. Saved someone’s life. Outrageous is relative.  (So deep.)

What does your ideal mate look like? Tall, athletic, soft features, eyes you could drown in and a smile that insults the sun.  (Insulting the sun?  What?)

How would you describe yourself as a lover? A fresh drink of water with a jolt of lightning.  (Pretty sure you’d be electrocuted if this is the case.)

Bye, Bryan.  I hope you don’t annoy me too much on this JOURNEY.



What a baby face!  He’s also pretty young, 26.  It shows.  He’d bring hot cheetos and mint chocolate chip ice cream on to a desert island.  Not hating on either, mint chocolate chip is my jam, but not very practical and doesn’t give much color into who he is besides the fact he likes snacks.  He seems like he’s been through some stuff (lost a parent, grew up in a mobile home) and has some interesting thoughts on marriage (“I think marriage is an institutionalized sham derived from religious beliefs.”)  You do you, Dean.  I don’t see him with Rachel, but I do think he’s interesting.  Maybe he’ll be the right kind of guy for Paradise.



DeMario is handsomeee.  That smile!  Those eyes!  He’s 30 and tall and has a seemingly professional job (I don’t really understand what an executive recruiter is – is it like that Justin Timberlake/Mila Kunis movie?).  Despite (or perhaps, because of) his looks, I have a few concerns.  He seems a bit crazy?  He wants a pet lion?  He references ’07 Britney Spears and ’11 Charlie Sheen – allegedly he does NOT want that type of attention but he certainly is tuned in to it.  Also, this:

Do you have any phobias that would prohibit your participation in certain activities? No, I’m perfect.

If he’s joking, fine.  If not, RUN RACHEL RUN.



Diggy!  Not sure what that name is about, but I am DIGGING him (get it???)!  Like, a medium amount.  I love his glasses, he’s 31, he’s only 5’11 but I’m pretty sure Rachel is a short lady, so 5’11 is more than tall enough.  He references sex more than once in his questionnaire, which is a little off, but he also prefers low key spots (dive bars) to hot spots (clubs) and I can get behind that.  I think Diggy sticks around long enough for us to get to the bottom of that name.



Our first personal trainer!  PTs are staples on The Bachelorette, so we better get used to it.  I find myself getting salty about it, but then I remember I love Shawn B. and he is a hardcore personal trainer, so I remember I have to keep an open mind.  BUT Eric is in to Tony Robbins and I am so over that.  I have met enough questionably intelligent dudes who swear by Tony Robbins and his “teachings” (you’re not missing out on anything if you don’t know who he is).  I think Rachel will cut through that BS pretty quickly.



Fred is all over the place.  He seems like a good guy who is close with his family, but then he whips out gems like this:

Ever have trouble in the bedroom? Or been turned on during the wrong time? We want to hear what happened! Yes, there are times that I get aroused at work and I have to go back to my desk to avoid being noticed.  (TMI.)

And this double:

What’s your biggest date fear? The fear of having my card declined

I love it when my date… pays for the meal.

Maybe it’s a joke?  I would actually very much appreciate the paying for the meal quip if he hadn’t just alluded to having insufficient funds.  Also taking a wait-and-see approach here.  Maybe Fred just has a very evolved sense of humor!



I think Grant was a little too forthcoming in his questionnaire.  He wants to be president and seems to have an impressive resume, but lets his true feelings slip a bit:

Do you like being the center of attention or do you prefer being more mysterious and why? I like being the center of attention while appearing to maintain a humble outlook on it. This allows for others to envy and respect you more.

Borderline sociopathic?  Maybe that’s a reach.  It’s certainly manipulative and an odd thing to say.  Grant is an emergency medical physician, which is not the typical path to president, but there’s always a first.  He’s the right age and right height, but seems a bit too intense for our leading lady.



We have a Diggy and an Iggy!  I like Iggy.  He’s age-appropriate, he’s a CEO, he’s the right height, and seems to have a sense of humor, although it’s always hard to tell from these things.  His answers were quite short, but I THINK I’m on team Iggy.  At least until top 6.

jack stone

Jack Stone

Jack Stone leads with his last name.  Fine.  He’s also an attorney!  I am all for attorney/attorney relationships (works for us!) but it’s definitely a choice that doesn’t work for everyone.  I kind of get the sense that Rachel might be more in to guys who do something different and can give her an escape from the job, but who knows.  Jack Stone is very obviously a lawyer.  His favorite author is John Grisham.  He “plead the fifth” to one of the answers.  He identifies himself as competitive and anxious.  I feel like Rachel will want someone more fun-loving, so I have to say no to Jack Stone.



Couple red flags here.  He can’t answer where he’ll be in 5 years because he’s “trying to not make plans in life.”  He prefers his mate to look like a model, and then there’s this:

Describe your best friend of the opposite sex and why she/she deserves that title: I do not have female friends.

What the hell, dude?  Hard pass on Jamey.  I hope he goes home night one.



I feel really bad because I’ve looked through Rachel’s guys at least three times before this and I have never even laid eyes on Jedidiah until now.  Dude does not stand out in a crowd.  I have some thoughts on his profile but none are noteworthy.  I’m going to let his lack of presence speak for itself.



Jonathan’s job is “Tickle Monster.”  I honestly don’t know what to say about that.  It’s not abnormal to have a weird profession.  We’ve seen “twin,” “dog lover,” and “free spirit,” but Tickle Monster jumps the shark.  Really weird from a 31-year old.  Maybe he’s a dad??  That might do it?  He was previously married (he lost his virginity with his ex-wife).  I can’t deal with Jonathan and his creepy job.



Josiah is also an attorney.  I know I said that I didn’t think Rachel would want to be with another lawyer, but Josiah speaks about his job very differently than Jack Stone does.  Josiah wants to effect “real change” in his community, and wants to “help those that have made mistakes.”  Faith and family seem pretty important to him.  I can’t tell if he has a sense of humor, which is KEY for Rachel, but if he does, I can see Josiah going far.



Third contestant to reference Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.  He’s this season’s dolphin.  Kenny actually has a good reason to like The Rock, though, because Kenny is a professional wrestler.  Kenny has a daughter, whom he seems to adore.  Kenny also has an actual tattoo of a caveman.  Too on the nose?  I don’t think Kenny is the one for Rachel, but I do think he’ll be entertaining and nice.



Oof Kyle makes me cringe.  I have lots of thoughts but I’m just going to leave this here:

Gluten? Not really sure what it is or what food it lives in, but I select gluten-free menu options when I can.

Nope nope nope.



Lee is clearly a country boy.  He calls his grandma “Mamaw” and likes Gone With The Wind.  He also says “hip hop” was his most embarrassing style choice (he literally referenced FUBU).  I haven’t talked about race yet in this post, and I’m looking forward to addressing it this season.  This is the most diverse group we’ve seen, and I’m here for it.  Lee does not fit in to that, at least not on paper.  Gone With The Wind may be a good love story, but it’s also fairly problematic, and has been highlighted as a racist film.  More than once.  So I’m not going to judge Lee for his movie preferences of vernacular, but I do want to note that there are potential issues here, and I’m not sure I see this guy with Rachel.  It’s a little tone deaf to go there when we have the first black lead on this show.



I’m already annoyed with Lucas.  He says his occupation is “Whaboom.”  WTF does that mean?  Booooo.



I like Matt.  Nice and normal.  He’s 32, he’s a Construction Sales Rep, and he’s the right height.  I could really use a geographic clue to help me understand him, but from what I can tell he seems like a nice guy.  He loves his parents, likes Matt Lauer (agree to disagree but I can respect the choice), and gives back to his community.  Tentative yes.



I like Michael.  He’s a former professional basketball player (sounds like he did that whole overseas bball thing in Bulgaria) and seems very chill.  Maybe too chill.  He’s also only 26 and I just see Rachel going with someone more mature.  So it’s a no to Michael for Rachel, but yes to Michael generally.



Milton!  Love his name!  Milton has an inner-lip tattoo, which is just nuts.  I wonder what it is, and if it’s still legible.  Unfortunately, Milton got a little too honest in his questionnaire:

What do you hope to get out of participating in this television show? Real answer? Discovered. Everyone tells me I’m made for TV/movies. Doesn’t mean I’m out here hoping for that, but I would like to break into writing or acting.

I don’t think he’s here for the right reasons.



I really like Mohit.  I’m bummed he’s only 26, because I don’t see him ending up with Rachel, but he seems legit.  His answer to the ambiguous question of “Gluten?” was that he was going to dress up like it for Halloween (if you’re wondering what the correct answer is, it’s “Yes, please.”).  He likes hot spots instead of dives, but it’s because he likes to dance.  It’s pretty clear family is important to him.  Kind of a Mohit fan.  Maybe for one of the twins??



We have a business owner!  But he also seems to be a male model?  I hope he skews more professional than pouty.  He’s a triple-Ironman, which is no joke.  He’s 31 and tall and kind of dreamy.  Should I be skeeved out that he lists one of the attributes of his ideal mate as “motherly?”  It’s kind of rubbing me the wrong way, but in his defense, he did list a LOT of adjectives.  I think I like Peter.



Rob is a law student, so I automatically feel bad for him.  Long road ahead, kid.  Although Rob is 30, so he’s not exactly a kid.  Everything in Rob’s profile checks out, until we get to this:

Do you prefer a woman who wants to be pursued or a woman who purses you, and why? I prefer a woman who pursues me. It shows that she has the focus and the courage to go for something that she wants despite the cultural expectation that the man do the pursuing.

I get the sentiment, but that’s not really how this show works.  If he sticks to it, he’ll have a hard time standing out.



Will also seems like a nice guy.  Two red flags that make me think he will not go far in this process:

If you’re interested in someone, do you tend to become shy or outgoing? I can be slightly more reserved at first.  (There’s not much time for reservation.)

Meatloaf said he would “do anything for love, but he won’t do that.” What will you not do? Be someone’s second choice.  (Unless dude thinks he’s getting every group date rose, he’s in for a world of hurt.)

But he’s cute and seems normal so he’s not an immediate no.

Top Picks

  1. Bryan.  Honestly, Bryan is the only one who stands out on paper to me above the others.  He’s the oldest of the group and seems to have some depth to him.  Top choice for now.
  2. Josiah.  He seems to have some legit goals about giving back to his community.  I don’t know if Rachel will want to add another lawyer to the family, but if that’s her thing, Josiah could be her man.
  3. Anthony.  I really like Anthony.  He’s super accomplished (Fulbrights are no joke) and he seems family-oriented.  If he were a few years older, he’d be at the top of the list.

I’m going to stop it at top three.  There are a bunch of guys who are unobjectionable and cute, but I can’t differentiate them further at this point.  I do think there is a lot of potential in this middle pack, so we’ll just have to wait and see!

Let the journey begin.


Where Privilege Intersects with Oppression

In the past few months I have been actively trying to be a better ally.  I have been immersing myself in writing and discourse, and I’m just now starting to take a more active role in promoting and educating on intersectionality in my various social groups.  The concept of privilege and intersectionality is not simple.  It is, by definition, complex.  But once you get the tools to understand what it all means, you can start deconstructing your interactions and reactions and you at least are speaking the right language.

One thing that has been a struggle for me, however, is transforming the idea of “ally” into something tangible.  Luckily, there are so many sources out there that exist to make this work make sense.  Last week I was reading one of my favorite writer’s tweets (not uncommon), and came across this:

I saw it while I was waiting for the train, and literally repeated it out loud, right on the platform.  Look for where your privilege intersects with oppression – that is where you act.  I thought about it for most of the commute.  I tried to think of examples of where my power was, where I could attack the system.  What I love about this phrase is that if you let it marinate, you start to convert the abstract to tangible action.  At various points in the past week, that phrase would rise to the forefront of my mind.  It is stuck in my head as my own rallying cry.

What does that mean for me?  Well, let’s start with my privilege.  I am a white attorney who works at a large law firm.  I’m heterosexual and married.  I was born in the United States (Alaska though, basically Russia according to some) and I speak English.  All in all, pretty privileged.  I am also female and Jewish, but I work in a city and in a profession that treats Judaism as normal, so I mostly “pass” there.  Jewish lawyer in Chicago?  Nothing to see here.

Where does my privilege intersect with oppression?  My workplace is the first place that comes to mind.  I think it helps to start small, so let’s start there.  As a heterosexual, white attorney, I am able to speak for others without the associated detrimental outcomes that might occur if those without my privileges took the same course of action.  For example, transgender accommodations are a huge topic these days.  I can comfortably sit in a conference room and opine on the need for gender-neutral bathrooms without feeling like someone will view me any differently.  In that context, I’m just a person stating my opinion.  When it comes to staffing, I can affirmatively request other women or people of color to be on my team, and I can check in with them to make sure they are getting the experiences they deserve.  That comes with the territory of being an associate, and can fit easily into my job description.

I also have been involved in recruiting.  Getting the right people in the room is essential, and if you are one of the gatekeepers, you can use that for good.  When I recruit, I consciously work to take it one step further instead of just connecting over similarities.  Similarities are the comfort zone, and like attracts like.  But if that’s all I look for, I’m going to have a bunch of petite women who really like reality television in the room.  Not necessarily a bad thing, but not the point.  Connecting through differences takes practice, and I’m happy to work at a firm that proactively trains on addressing unconscious biases during the recruiting process (and elsewhere).  You can do that important work too.

Once you have the mantra in your head, you see it everywhere.  Take the Grammy’s, where Adele used her acceptance speech to promote Beyonce.  I’m not going to go in to why I think Lemonade deserved to win Album of the Year, because lord knows the last thing the internet needs is another Lemonade thinkpiece by a white woman.  Let’s just say I’m a fan. So when Adele stood up and used her moment to promote a black woman, it meant something to me.

Was she perfect?  Probably not.  But she was real and she was authentic and she used her privilege to address something wrong with the system.  And as a white woman who is working on ways to be an ally, Adele was inspiring.  She gave ME strength to speak up from the heart, even if it’s scary or you might get it wrong.

So I’m taking my mantra and running with it.  Thank you to the women of color who have lived this their entire lives and still take the time to educate the rest of us.  I stand with you.