Picking the Wrong Partner

Last night’s Luke exit just about broke my heart.  Not because I think Luke is far superior to the other guys, but because JoJo’s decisions and state of mind mirror what I see in so many people.  Despite everything she has said about how Ben taught her what she is worth and how she is looking for someone who will treat her better than EX-CHAD, JoJo is still picking guys who have the potential to hurt her instead of going for the guy who is steady and mature.  And I would never encourage someone to go with a “safe bet” if the feelings weren’t there, but it looks like JoJo and Luke had some serious chemistry.

kiss

JoJo brings up her exes a lot.  She has said that her relationship with the other Chad was a lot of high highs and low lows, and has alluded to infidelity.  She has stated that she’s looking for something different this time around.  She has said that Ben taught her what she is worth (query the issue with finding self-worth from a guy, but let’s go with it for now).  Now JoJo is in the position of power, and has control over who she keeps and who she says goodbye to.  Yet despite the fact that it’s totally up to her, she still picks the guys who have the potential to hurt her.

Let’s look at Jordan.  JoJo clearly cares the most about him, and their conversations are fraught with anxiety on the part of our leading lady.  JoJo is concerned about Jordan’s ex-girlfriend.  JoJo is concerned that Jordan isn’t being real with her.  Jordan has gotten into a few issues in the house – nothing major, but potential red flags – and JoJo is unbothered by it.  We don’t know the full situation of why Jordan’s family is estranged from Aaron, but it likely has something to do with Jordan’s relationship with his ex-girlfriend (Olivia Munn, Aaron’s gf, is friends with Jordan’s ex).  RED. FLAG.

aaron

Listen.  I get that feelings are feelings, and JoJo clearly is falling for Jordan more than any of the other guys there.  So I can understand giving him the benefit of the doubt on some of this stuff.  However, I do not see it at ALL with Robby.

Notwithstanding the fact that Robby refuses to wear socks and feels the need to only button the lower button on his shirt, JoJo continues to keep him around.  Robby said that he loves her first.  JoJo explains that at first she was surprised, but then she felt comfortable opening up to him because she knew where he was at.  You CANNOT tell me that in JoJo’s mind, it’s enough to just hear the words “I love you” from a guy who says it as casually as he’d ask whether she wants cream in her coffee.

jojo and robby

I do not get this

I don’t see the chemistry with Robby, which makes it even harder to excuse the potential problems with him.  He broke up with his girlfriend of 4 years right before coming onto the show.  It seems like that was a bad relationship, but it’s hard to imagine he’s fully ready for marriage right now.  The fact that it was such a bad relationship also screams “ISSUES” to me.  Robby has said that his ex-girlfriend hit him, physically.  The families are involved.  Social media, media outlets, roommates, all involved.  This is not a drama-free dude.  So why is JoJo so into it?  Just because he said “I love you” first?

As an aside, maybe you don’t think that Robby has been too bad on the show, but he has been running a publicity campaign ever since the show ended.  Robby has reached out to former contestants (namely, Jade and Tanner) for instagram followers.

See also this tweet from JJ:

I have a feeling this is not the end of this story.

And Chase-bot.  Chase seems to have a fair amount of emotional baggage stemming from his parents’ divorce.  He comes from a family that doesn’t show emotions, and where crying is not something they normally do (along with saying I love you).  I knew Chase could be a dark horse, but I would expect by now that we would have gotten to know him better by now.

chase

I feel like I’m still waiting for the answer to this question

But of course, because Chase was the least offensive guy remaining, JoJo had to ax him too.  I see this a lot, luckily less so as I’ve gotten older, but it’s still there.  Women, and men, continue to pick the wrong person.  They pick emotionally unavailable partners, or partners who aren’t ready to commit, or people who just aren’t that into to them.  I’ve talked to a few women who have gone down that path to see what the reasoning is.  I’ve heard that the chase is enjoyable, or that it feels good to be the one to land the bad boy.  I believe these women when they tell me that.

I also think, however, that part of it centers on what we are projecting into the universe.  You pick what you think you deserve.  If you are used to drama, tears, and feelings of insecurity, or are insecure yourself, you are comfortable with those aspects of a relationship, and seek them out.  If it feels like JoJo is setting herself up for heartbreak, maybe she is, and maybe she can’t help it right now.

I think a lot of this comes down to having 24 and 25-year-olds try and and find a spouse in a condensed time period, with the only outside influence being producers.  Maybe Luke was not JoJo’s unicorn, and she’s on to bigger and better things.  I think it is more likely, however, that JoJo is not in a place to receive the type of love that Luke was ready to give.  JoJo doesn’t seem ready to settle down in a small town in Texas.  She seems attracted to the dark and twisty nature of the men she has left, and potentially the allure of a life with someone who runs in the same circles, like Jordan.  I wish her the best of luck, but I don’t think Jordan OR Robby is really the guy for her.

LUKE FOR BACHELOR.  Enough with the 25-year-old leads!

Ok fiine #nationalselfieday in my #sideboob shirt #freethenipple #thebachelorette @texashumor @dpayth 👀

A photo posted by LUKE PELL (@luke__pell) on Jun 21, 2016 at 9:08am PDT

 

Rankings:

  1. Jordan.  Not even close.  I even wonder if JoJo subconsciously got rid of the guy she cared the most about (Luke) so her final decision would be easier.
  2. Robby.  De facto second.  See ya.
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Author: leahkcasto

Full time lawyer, part time blogger.

2 thoughts

  1. YES! Luke for next Bachelor for SURE! It’s a fact that Jojo has TERRIBLE taste in men. Do you listen to “Here to Make Friends” the podcast? They said that Jordan’s family shunned Aaron b/c Olivia “spoke publicly” about their sex life (according to my google search she confirmed that two consenting adults who love each other do, in fact, have sex. She wasn’t on Howard Stern or anything and even if she was, who cares? Their Christian values care that’s who). They asked Aaron to back away from Olivia and he chose Olivia (duh). Love it, keep it up Leah! xo

    Like

  2. Great post! It killed me to see her get rid of a guy who is so clearly everything she says she’s looking for and who seems like great husband material. But the part of this post that resonated with me the most is “LUKE FOR BACHELOR.” Must!

    Like

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